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Thursday, November 22, 2007

Corporate Language

Corporate language:

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"
2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done
"At least not tomorrow!".

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I
have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension
of the deadline"
means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion" means "We had actually fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me
earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you
where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just
ensure that the work is not affected."
means, "Well you know..."
15."We are a team" means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Movie review of Om Shanti Om - a dud

Rating: Avoid it if you can!
Shahrukh Khan - Om Kapur aka OK / Om Prakash Makhija
Deepika Padukone - Sandy / Shantipriya
Kirron Kher - filmyMA
Shreyas Talpade
Javed Sheikh
(Mis?)Directed by:Farah Khan

Om Shanti Om, the most hyped movie of recent times, was at last released yesterday. And alas I was among the unfortunate lot who saw the film first day.

Midway through the film, I was really wondering what it was all about and what the hell I was doing in there. I have not seen a worse film since I saw Big B's Mrityudata, first day first show.

The story of the film? Probably, by now you have heard about it from your friends, neighbours etc. etc. as the movie opened to a 98%+ occupancy. In a single line the story can be summed up as Karz. And mind it, Karz was a far far better made film.

SRK has a younger look in the film. Deepika Padukone is really the Dreamy Girl and has all it takes to be next super star, although I am not sure about her acting capabilities. To be fair to her, this film does not require her to act. The rest of the cast is as (in)competent as the script (not sure if Farah had one) demands.

The high points of the film are some spoofs on the film industry. I particularly like the part which I believe is aimed at Rajnikanth, where SRK fights a stuffed tiger in a red cowboy attire.

Overall, this intended celebration of 70's fails miserably. Probably, after Big B did Ramu Ki Aag, SRK thought why he should lag behind. And the resultant film is Om Shanti Om.

My advise would be to avoid it if you can. i suddenly feel pitty for all those guys who write reviews for a living. Now I can understand what kind of torture you have to suffer and you cannot even pen down your true feelings, if it's a Rajnikanth (e.g. Shivaji) or SRK (OSO) movie.

Friday, September 21, 2007

R.I.P. (February 18, 1930 - August 24, 2006)

Image Source:, the free Online Encyclopedia
As a kid, we grew up memorising that there are nine planets in our Solar system, the last one being Pluto. To me it was always a cute little planet at the farthest end of our solar system.

But last year, this brownish planet died ta tragic death at the age of 76 years. After being in the "IAU" for quite some time, ultimately all the life support system were withdrawn and we were left with only eight remaining planets.

I heard about Pluto's sad demise when a friend called up and informed me about it. On hearing the news, I was disappointed and shocked - why change history? What points the scientists were trying to prove? I almost shouted out "Pluto Amar Rahe!", in true blue Indian style.

But as I read more about Pluto and the reasons for his demotion, I could see or perhaps, I thought that I could see, the reasons behind the changed equation. Science, being an ever evolving subject, the envelops of our scientific knowledge are being pushed further continuously. As a result, the old solar order has to give away to the new thanks largely to recent discoveries. As we learn more about our universe, existing classifications are being updated and adjusted daily, with some being deleted altogether. While others are modified or in some cases, newer additions are made to the old. The advancement of technology makes these discoveries possible at an astounding rate.

Pluto has now returned to the Kuiper Belt joining his true siblings - other large, icy rocks unqualified to be planets. Charon, Pluto's largest moon (discovered in 1978 by astronomer James Christy) has accompanied it along with the two smaller moons Nix (Pluto II, the inner moon) and Hydra (Pluto III, the outer moon) who were first seen by Hubble Space Telescope on May 15, 2005. On the anniversary of Pluto's disappearance back into the far, dark underworld of space, I just wanted to remember the "Last and Lost Planet". Hopefully, there will be a Hollywood film someday titled "Last Planet Revolving" or "Pluto - The Lost Planet".

This news also enlightened me about the guidelines of declaring oneself a planet, which - seriously speaking - I never even knew to have existed beforehand. In case anyone's interested in knowing those rules, I ctrl+c-ed i.e. copied the whole thing and ctrl+v-ed below.
The physicists say that to be considered as a planet, you must:
  • Orbit the Sun
  • Have enough mass and "self-gravity" to sustain a nearly round shape
  • Clear the neighbourhood around your orbit, establishing an independent path as you circle the Sun

Which actually raises my inquisitive quotient. I was just thinking about a certain "Lift kara de" guy. Yes, you are right. I am seriously wondering that Adnan Sami with a broom in his hand, sent to the sky to be with the diamonds, actually stands a real good chance of being declared a planet! As he's now a Mumbaikar, may be, Raj T can actively think about this!